I felt really torn over the last few weeks over the opportunity I had of going to Colorado to help with the CIR Panel there. I had originally planned a trip home (to visit family) squeezed between Wednesdays of working at N2N and, in particular, helping lead a workshop in Sweet Home on Wednesday nights.
When I realized I might be able to tag along with Healthy Democracy and see two more great facilitators at work, I was really excited. I knew I could change my plane ticket and extend my trip for very little extra cost. I also realized, however, that I would miss one of the weeks of our N2N workshop in Sweet Home if I did this. Honestly, I could have flow back to Oregon, taught the workshop, and then returned to Colorado for a second trip but this hardly seemed worth the cost of time and money. Kevin was really understanding and seemed very supportive but I still feel a bit torn about my decision.
Ultimately, I decided that between the chance to spend more time with my family, extent my professional network, and be involved in supporting the idea of CIR panels, justified staying in Colorado. That said, I have pangs of guilt of backing out on my commitment to Kevin and our workshop. I’m hoping that I can make up for it by continuing to work with N2N as a volunteer and with helping with future workshops. Kevin has been so absolutely supportive and encouraging for me that I would hate to throw away all that good-will for chasing the next big project. I feel somewhat justified in being selfish with my time now (making choices that I think will pay off for me) but I want to be mindful to be appropriately appreciative of all the support I’ve received and to honor my commitments in the future. No one will want a facilitator who bails if a higher paying job comes along. In this case, I’m trading one volunteer commitment for another but I still feel badly about it.