Since having kids in 2017 and again in 2019, my work life experienced an evolution of sorts. I have pared down my professional efforts to serving clients directly and cut out most of the fluff that used to see important for my consulting work. The working mom life is still no joke but I like to think it has given me a deeper, more honest understanding of the world and the people I get to serve.
Before having kids, I imagined the most challenging part of parenting would involve diapers, not getting enough sleep, and carving out time for work and friends. While all of these are indeed challenging aspects of mom-life, the far greater challenge (for me at least) has been sorting out when the “thing” that my kiddo is doing is a sign of a bigger problem or something that’s all just developmentally appropriate, however concerning it may be. From googling about odd colors and textures of poop (parents, you know I’m not the only one) to monitoring their infant weight gain, developmental milestones, and toddler/school age behaviors, it’s all a LOT.
All along, I felt like if I knew that something was problematic, we could make a plan of action to intervene and help (I’m looking at you neuro-spicy diagnoses). If, on the other hand, some concerning thing was in fact a normal thing that most little people go through, I could rest a little easier and perhaps just make different adjustments for myself to survive that stage. For me, not knowing, feeling torn between taking it easy and springing into action has always been SO hard. I’m definitely the (anxious) mom who has sent awkward pictures to the pediatrician asking, “Is this normal??” as well as the mom who has had more than one extended emergency room visit only to learn my kid had some silly virus and just needed Tylenol and a Popsicle. I’m also a mom who has shepherded my kiddos through long evaluations to learn about their neurodivergence…and also doing developmentally normal stuff.
Turns out, this stress of wondering if there’s something “wrong” with my kids, or if we’re just going through a normal rough patch isn’t isolated to just parenthood. The more nonprofits I work with, the more I see how much nonprofit leaders are caught in a very similar conundrum. Do we have the right Executive Director? Why do our board meetings take so long? Why is it so hard to get on the same page? Do we REALLY know where our money is going or if our programs are working? Maybe I’m just not a good fit for this and I should step down. I’m sooooooo tired. Why is this so much work and why am I doing so much of it? Maybe this is just how nonprofits are? I’m not sure I’m cut out for this. How could we make things better?
The disadvantage for nonprofit folks is that, in contrast to us parents, we rarely have a team of sympathetic and experienced colleagues reassuring us that, “it’s only a phase” and that “they’ll grow out of it” soon enough. Similarly, while many of us have piles of resources at our fingertips to support our kids’ development (not to mention, daycare, preschool, k-12 school and all THOSE professionals) to help guide and ground us, VERY few nonprofit board leaders have much formal training or guidance for “growing up” their organization. Instead, much like the parent who assumes there’s something wrong with their kid we are likely to get personal, to blame ourselves or others.
How might we respond differently if we could take a step back and check in with our nonprofit’s “pediatrician” to see just how concerned we should be. How different might it feel to learn that no, your organization isn’t destined for prison, but rather that it’s experiencing normal, and developmentally appropriate challenges that are associated with this particular stage of its life? How reassuring would it be to take a big breath and know that you’re not doing it wrong, your nonprofit is just showing off the butt rash, picky eating, acne, or grumpiness that’s normal at this stage in the game?
In reality, folks know that there are big nonprofits and small ones and while the small ones always want more money to do more good stuff, few people actually understand the developmental milestones (outside of basic fundraising) that it takes to “grow up” into a big-kid, or even a fully mature organization. Like parents, we (nonprofit leaders) have the very best intentions, we’re determined and passionate…and even more than most parents, we (nonprofit leaders) are often completely winging it and hoping for the best. All the while we may wonder, is there something wrong with this organization? Is there something wrong with me? Maybe I’m not cut out to “parent” this organization.
A few years back I had the pleasure of presenting at the Wyoming Arts Council bi-annual Arts Summit. I began working more with arts organizations when leaders and educators from across our state came together in the summer of 2021. Since then I’ve had the pleasure of crisscrossing the state (and staying close to home in Laramie) facilitating everything from board retreats and strategic planning to high conflict mediation with diverse arts related groups. It’s SO fun. Arts folks are fun. Not surprisingly, they’re creative! They’re playful, they’re willing to try new things, and, like all of my nonprofit clients, they care DEEPLY about their work.
Also, like many of my nonprofit clients, arts leaders are often NOT experts in nonprofit management and they often find themselves in real conundrums, wondering where things went so wrong. The good news? It’s NOT just them! The even better news, There’s nothing wrong with the people!! Rather, small arts organizations, like other scrappy nonprofits, fall victim to predictable conflicts as they grow and evolve (or don’t) simply because when things get rocky (and they always do!), they tend to see these conflicts through a lens of personal strife. After working with two groups who nearly blew themselves up in the transitions from one stage to the next, I said, “We have to tell them!! They’re not doing it wrong, their organizations are just needing different stuff if they’re going to survive into teen-hood!”
I love getting to work with clients and share the “good news” of nonprofit life stages with them. Every time, it’s a chance to spread the word for nonprofit leaders of all types to get a boost of confidence that the strife they’ve been losing sleep over is, in fact, perhaps a sign that they’re doing things right and that their organization is simply growing up and needing a new flavor of guidance and support than it did before. My Life Stage “Bibles” are listed below. I didn’t come up with any of this stuff but once I learned about it, everything else made SO much sense. Growing up a nonprofit takes creativity and grit but it is also predictable. The challenges and opportunities are likely to be common across fields and contexts and there’s a “recipe” of what to look for along the way.
Cheers to the good work ahead, with your kids, your organization, or whatever it is you’re pouring your heart and soul into these days.
Nonprofit Lifecycles by Susan Kenny Stevens
The 5 stages of Nonprofit Organizations by Judith Sharken Simon
Nonprofit Life Stages and Why They Matter by Paula Manley
Nonprofit Organizational Lifecycle by Speakman Management Consulting
Slides from The Arts Council Workshop by Carrie Bennett and the folks who attended the workshop!
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